My car the Murderer!

Ok..I was going to write all about why my car is trying to kill me, but there is too much to say, and a lot of it is very hard to believe! But here's a quick run-down;

1) The headlights stay on indefinitely once you shut the car off..
2) We unplugged the a box which controls a relay of some kind..lights go out, and so does the petrol gauge
3) Neither the headlights nor the petrol gauge are plugged in yet the headlights turn on when you want them too..and the petrol gauge often works fine!
4) I can only get either the rear brake-light or the rear indicator to work...I can get them both to work but not if you put it in its cradle..
5) sometimes the brake light and indicator work just fine...
6) The boot shuts and locks into the hinge..only when it wants to!


The list goes on and on..but I SWEAR it is out to get me, driving home tonight, I have to travel over a very bendy, dangerous hill called 'The Rimutaka Road" The summit is 555m and I have to do it every day!
Anyway it is very prone to a bit of fog, and is frequently closed due to snow, but tonight was really foggy, and my car decided it was time to make it's next serious move.........I had my window down, and fan set to windscreen, on full as it was raining hard and I hate condensation! So all of a sudden -of course- the windscreen gets covered in condensation, as if someone was boiling a kettle in the car, and my windscreen wipers stopped wiping the rain off, instead it spread it all over the windscreen, as if it had cooking oil on it....I found myself halfway on the wrong side of the road, on one of the hairpins...

Naturally when I arrived home the car covered up it's sinister doings, as if nothing had happened, so I couldn't prove anything to my wife!

Now I ask have you ever seen the movie called "Christine"? I have always loved the film and my dream in life is to own the car...anyway it's about a 1957 Plymouth Fury, that finds a young man, and he restores her to her full glory...however after a few instances of vandals extra, you soon learn she has the ability to restore herself, and goes around killing people then acting all innocent!

There is one scene in particular where the car is jealous of her owners girlfriend, so locks the doors and tries to strangle her with the seat belt!

I AM SCARED TO PUT MY SEAT BELT ON!!

Seriously this car is like an 80's version of Christine and it wants to keeel me! This is certainly not the first time it has shown hatred toward me! Now to really understand my concerns you need to know that I purchased the car from a very good friend of mine, who assures me he has had no such issues with the car!

If you came for a drive, you would think I am even crazier as I guarantee that she would run perfectly! I pick a friend up every day shortly after the Rimutaka trip, and she performs just fine, except the brake light thing! And what if I took it to my friend who is a qualified mechanic?? Nothing happens!

If this is my last blog post, you will know why! Find my Alfa Romeo...and destroy it....so no-one else falls prey to her evil ways...Or even better, buy her off me...then give her to someone you really dislike!

Whaa.....wait the engine just started by itself.........it's comi.....................