Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! It's officially Christmas day in 5mins! We are just about to put all the presents under the tree! Lisa has been baking all day, and I am actually really looking forward to tomorrow! Elvis on the stereo, plenty of beer, house all lit up with Christmas lights, kids sleeping all excited, waiting for Santa! In my most Tiny Tim voice..... God bless us, every one!

Religion or not religion?

Well....Christmas is creeping up faster than it usually does, only one week today. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, what's the deal? Religion fell out of Christmas long before I can remember, and these days all you see is a few signs saying "You won't find the lord under a tree" This year though Christians seem to be trying to do some serious PR for our supposed Saviour, I saw a news article about a Christmas tree with an enormous great wooden cross running straight through the center. But there are also the atheists trying to drum up business for their opinions, I'm sure you've heard of the "No God" signs plastered all over buses..

I do think that NZ tops the whole thing with the billboard erected actually by a Church! They said the billboard was "to remind people the real meaning of Christmas" The sign was defaced within 4 hours, and I can't help but ask the question, what on earth was the church thinking?? Here's the sign...

It was a full sized billboard, and if even the Churches are starting to mock religion, the future of what we have believed in for 2000 years sure is looking bleak!

I thought I would add my opinion on the whole subject....I don't believe in God, nor the theory that we where created, the science is to obvious to ignore. I was Christened as a child, and I am proud of that....Although I no longer class myself as Christian, I am certainly not atheist. To me atheism is it's own form of religion, just look at the signs on buses...They seem to not only mock religion, but go out of their way to mock it. I respect those that have faith, in any God they believe, more than respect, I envy them. I wish I could believe, if I believe in God, and I am facing imminent death, I'm sure the feeling would not be fear. I would believe I was going to a better place, where all my loved ones will be, and I will be happy. Being that I believe we are simply organisms, no different to any other creature on Earth, I know that when we die.....that's it....nothing more.

I would much rather believe that I was off to have a beer with my Dad and Elvis....but I simply can't. I have tried over the last few years...to find God, but I simply cannot refute the obvious factor that we evolved, and there is nothing else to it, no angels, no heaven....It's a shame! My over logical mind leaves me hollow when posed the question, what happens when we die?

That's all

Sorry? it's a broad word, sorry for not being more supportive, for giving up, sure. But sorry for being so mentally ill, that I struggle to deal with my own mind....certainly not! A permanent solution to a temporary problem.....I hear naive people say that very often, but it's not accurate at all...look at me....I have something destroying the Phil that I used to be.... that viral disease will never leave me, If I make it to an old man, I'll still be taking pills, before putting in my false teeth. And logically I will of gotten completely lost, there will be an old man, with nothing left. They say it gets better with time, and they are right, but that really means things only become worse.....The longer you spend in a comfortable situation, things going right, success, and happyness....the harder you are hit, when that curse returns, and devours the real you, vomitting out the shit that is left, and that's all you have to function with.

I know that it will not be long, before no part of the Phil that everyone knows, remains. I'm in a sort of zombie movie scenario.....They get bitten and know that it won't be long before they change into something evil........ Well I was bitten, although instead of turning into something that likes to eat people, I will become blank. Like a formatted hard-drive.....the components remain, but there is nothing left on it...

Poses the question that the bite victims ask.....do i want to turn? Simple answer is no...

I wish my life could of been normal, I enjoy the life, the kids that adore you, the wife that loves you, loving them all back....But I'm stuck...what do I do? I've been fighting this for years now, and I'm tired, I'm tired of trying so hard to keep from being taken over, I'm tired of losing now, I'm not strong enough anymore, I can't push it away much longer.....I have nothing left....I just can't do it!!

I don't want to be this way anymore

12 days of Bi-Polar Christmas!!

I got bored, so decided to write my own version of that annoying Christmas song! If you read this, you need to read it to the tune of the classic hehe

All the things described I have been given over the last year so, it's quite true aswell enjoy ;)

On the first day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

A repeat prescription that I need to fill

On the 2nd day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

2 seroquel

On the 3rd day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

3 doxepin

On the 4th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

4 clonazepam

On the 5th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

5 Lith-- iu--ms

On the 6th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

6 xanax

On the 7th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

7 sleeping aids

On the 8th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

8 megs of prozac

On the 9th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

9 blood tests

On the 10th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

10 hours councilling

On the 11th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

11 valiums

On the 12th day of Christmas my doctor gave to me....

12 Zoloft