That's all

Sorry? it's a broad word, sorry for not being more supportive, for giving up, sure. But sorry for being so mentally ill, that I struggle to deal with my own mind....certainly not! A permanent solution to a temporary problem.....I hear naive people say that very often, but it's not accurate at all...look at me....I have something destroying the Phil that I used to be.... that viral disease will never leave me, If I make it to an old man, I'll still be taking pills, before putting in my false teeth. And logically I will of gotten completely lost, there will be an old man, with nothing left. They say it gets better with time, and they are right, but that really means things only become worse.....The longer you spend in a comfortable situation, things going right, success, and happyness....the harder you are hit, when that curse returns, and devours the real you, vomitting out the shit that is left, and that's all you have to function with.

I know that it will not be long, before no part of the Phil that everyone knows, remains. I'm in a sort of zombie movie scenario.....They get bitten and know that it won't be long before they change into something evil........ Well I was bitten, although instead of turning into something that likes to eat people, I will become blank. Like a formatted hard-drive.....the components remain, but there is nothing left on it...

Poses the question that the bite victims ask.....do i want to turn? Simple answer is no...

I wish my life could of been normal, I enjoy the life, the kids that adore you, the wife that loves you, loving them all back....But I'm stuck...what do I do? I've been fighting this for years now, and I'm tired, I'm tired of trying so hard to keep from being taken over, I'm tired of losing now, I'm not strong enough anymore, I can't push it away much longer.....I have nothing left....I just can't do it!!

I don't want to be this way anymore